Open Prompt Response # 1

In response to the 2009 student responses to question 3A (regarding symbols):

Student A:
Student A certainly has some insightful ideas, and in general, I think their essay is well written. I did, however, get a little distracted by some of the excess pomp thrown in. For example, the first two sentences: "The use of a symbol has the potential to send a potent message. Used in a work of literature, it has the ability to profoundly affect and alter the mindset of the audience," say almost the same thing, and could be worded much more concisely. They do not need all of those words just to say that symbols can be very powerful and have a large impact on a work of literature. I also think that the writing gets a little distracted and verges on summarizing when the student goes into detail about how the Hjalmar family is based on lies, and what those lies are. Assuming the reader has read the work in question, those details are not necessary. Considering these ideas, I am surprised that the essay received a perfect nine. It does address the prompt fully (The extended idea of the dog attacking the duck symbolizing Gregor attacking the family is very interesting), but I think it could have made its points in a much more direct way.  

Student B:
I think that student B makes some good points about the symbolism of the lampshade. I expected them to score higher than a six, because I think they responded to the prompt pretty thoroughly, addressing what the symbol reveals about the characters by relating it to Blanche always covering things up and hiding the truth. I did notice it start to become a summary when it talks about Blanche's episode with Alan, and the lack of apostrophes certainly is distracting, but I think in general it's pretty clear and deserves a seven. I like how the student takes it further when he/she says "Blanche's need to cover things up begins to extend further than just appearance and age. She keeps her past from her loving sister, she hides the truth of why she lost her job, and she attempts to hide the fact that she is flat broke." This extends the student's point and adds more support to his/her claim that the lamp shade represents Blanche trying to hide the truth.


Student C:
This essay does a poor job of answering the prompt fully and does not give much support for his/her thesis at all. After getting passed the grammatical errors and the fact that the student refers to the work of literature in the past tense, the biggest detail that bothers me is how part of the thesis is that the machete symbolizes pride, but the student barely touches on this aspect of the thesis. They tack it onto the last paragraph as if it is an afterthought, and then they proceed to end the essay by saying "So it symbolizes pride. Most of all." If the machete symbolizes pride most of all, why would they not focus on that aspect of the thesis at least as much as they focused on the other aspects (power and strength)? I think that this essay should have gotten lower than a four, because of its failure to fully answer the prompt and support all aspects of its thesis.