In a literary work, a minor character, often known as a foil, possesses
traits that
emphasize, by contrast or comparison, the distinctive characteristics and qualities of the main
character. For example, the ideas or behavior of a minor character might be used to highlight
the weaknesses or strengths of the main character. Choose a novel or play in which a minor
character serves as a foil for the main character. Then write an essay in which you analyze how
the relation between the minor character and the major character illuminates the meaning of
the work.
emphasize, by contrast or comparison, the distinctive characteristics and qualities of the main
character. For example, the ideas or behavior of a minor character might be used to highlight
the weaknesses or strengths of the main character. Choose a novel or play in which a minor
character serves as a foil for the main character. Then write an essay in which you analyze how
the relation between the minor character and the major character illuminates the meaning of
the work.
Essay 3A
This essay has some really nice analysis of The Joy Luck Club, and it shows a thorough understanding of how the relationship between Lindo and Huang highlights the importance of being true to one's self and knowing one's self worth. Other than a little bit of summary at the beginning, this essay does a nice job of focusing on the thesis. I would have liked, however, for this student to be a little more clear on what makes Lindo and Huang foils. The student never directly states the specific qualities of the characters that contrast. It talks about how Huang's oppressive treatment of Lindo help her discover her self worth, but it doesn't clearly explain how they are opposites and the role that their contrasting qualities plays in Lindo's transformation. This is more of a matter of opinion though, as others might think that the contrasting qualities are implied in the description of each character. Also, the essay switches off between past and present tense when describing events in the book, and literature should always be discussed in the present tense. Other than the few details I mentioned above, I think this is a very insightful essay, and it deserves the 8 it received.
Essay 3B
This essay basically summarizes the book and talks about its meaning, and then throws in a few sentences about foils at the end as an after thought. The student doesn't even state a foil until the last paragraph. They also go into a lot of detail about Shug, one of the characters in the book, leading readers to think that Shug is the foil, and then at the very end they say that Celie's father is the foil. The in depth analysis of Shug, though insightful, is not relevant to the prompt. I actually think Shug would work better as a foil, because her contrasting qualities to Celie help Celie learn to find herself and stand up for herself, which is a key message of the book, but since Shug is not the stated foil, there is no need for the writer to go so in depth on her. Also, the essay doesn't say anything on what specific qualities make Celie and her father foils, or how their relationship contributes to the meaning of the play as a whole. Although this essay shows a pretty complete understanding of the book, it fails to even address the prompt until the very end, and does not thoroughly answer the prompt. Also, it refers to events in the book in past tense, and literature should always be referred to in present tense. Based on what I said above, I think this essay deserves lower than the 6 it received. I would give it a 4 or 5.
Essay 3C
I find this essay pretty confusing. First of all, in the first paragraph, it says that Baba is Hassan's father, but in the third paragraph it says that Baba is Hassan's brother. This is a pretty major contradiction, and along with the shows that the writer does not have a completely clear understanding of the book. It also refers to literature in the past tense. This seems to happen in a
lot of the essays... I wonder why the scoring commentary never mentions it. One of the main flaws of this essay is that it talks a lot about characteristics that the stated foils have in common, which implies that the writer does not understand the concept of a foil. The essay does, however, state a foil at the beginning with a thesis, and it stays on track and avoids summarizing pretty well. Overall though, I would say the lack of understanding of what a foil is and the shallow supporting evidence and analysis the book's meaning are pretty overpowering, and I would probably give the essay a 3.
These analyses are quite fine, and I have no real qualms with anything you wrote. Now that we've done so many of them, we better have a pretty good understanding of how these essays will be graded and how to write one that's halfway decent once May rolls around. The sample responses, I've noticed, follow the same general pattern of scoring for each examples: a good one, an acceptable one, and a horrid one. For me, it gets tiring essentially writing the same things over and over for each of these types of post, but it certainly has ingrained in my head the qualities of a good essay over a bad one, and that's essentially what Holmes is trying to do.
ReplyDeleteSydney, great response and analysis of these essays. I analyzed these same essays last month and mentioned many of the same points you did. I agreed that the first response was well written and received the score it received, however I hadn't noticed that the student had switched back and forth between present and past tense and am surprised they weren't critiqued by the AP graders for that, writing about literature in present tense has been emphasized throughout my writing career and I would think the student would have been more careful about that. I also agreed with you that the second student was lucky to receive the 6 that it did. In my original reponse I had thought that a 6 was a deserving score, however after looking over it again and looking over the points that you brought up, such as making Shug the foil would've made it stronger, I no longer think this score is well validated. As of the last essay, I also agree that a 3 would be a fair grade, this essay seemed very juggled and not very well organized. Overall you did a great job, and I think I liked that reading your opinion on a essay that I had already analyzed had changed my views a little, job well done!
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